My blog about my life as a Catholic wife, mommy, woman, and when I have time, some of my crafty side shows through...the chapel veil I made for my mom, at some point, I'll post about my books and dolls, and at some point, some DIY stuff.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Wonderful, Memorable Weekend
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Trying to Find Joy
This post is a couple of days late, but this is the first opportunity I've had to write, where I really felt up to writing. On May 13 last year, my mom attempted suicide, and that was also the start of her more severe symptoms. On May 13 this year, we found out we will not be getting custody of Chocolate Chip. The year in between was spent taking care of mom, packing up and moving two homes into one, and mourning a child. I honestly don't know how I would have survived the past two May 13's and everything in between without God's Grace and my wonderful husband with my sanity still intact.
Our big court date was supposed to be on June 6, and as far as I knew going into it, the mediation on May 13 was only a formality, and was going to just be a waste of time and money. I was not at all prepared for leaving that building with our decision. Anyway, I go in, and was relieved to find out that it wasn't going to be like anything I had seen on t.v., where everyone is in the same room, fighting over a table. We were in totally separate rooms, and the mediator went back and forth between our rooms.
While the mediator was off talking to him, my lawyer tells me that Chocolate Chip is doing well in school, isn't grotesquely overweight, and has friends. Her father doesn't drive drunk, or beat his wife, and while I should be proud of the changes I've made in my life, and how well I'm doing, I'd only have a 5% chance of getting full custody. So, rather than spend all those extra lawyer fees, only to end up where we started, I agreed to slightly more time with her during the year, a decent increase in time during the summer (starting next year), and I would pay more money. At the time, all I could see was that I had given her away, while I paid more money. I was heartbroken...again. I must say, though, I'm getting pretty good at juggling my crosses.
Today we went to Chocolate Chip's school for an event, and when it was time to go, I literally had to pry Emma off of her, and carry her out, crying. Then, we get home, and Emma helps me plant some flowers I had gotten for Mother's Day. She wanted to plant one on Charlotte's grave, so we did that. All while my dying mother laid down for a nap. See? Pretty good at juggling! *sigh*
So, my new project assigned to me by a wonderful, motherly friend that I met on Facebook, is to try to find some joy. Who knew joy could be so hard to find, and so elusive?
I've known mom was not going to get better for quite a while now, and I've had peace and been able to find joy.
Charlotte died, and after only a month, I've had peace and been able to find joy.
Now this. I'm more at peace today, but seeing Emma this afternoon broke me right in half. I'm working on joy. Any suggestions? I'm totally open to ideas!
Thanks for any prayers, and God Bless all my friends and readers.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Scapulars
Every now and then, I would feel an extra nudge or a reminder about scapulars. A friend would mention that she had been thinking of getting one, I would see tell-tale brown strings around the necks of friends and fellow homeschoolers. Then, at the healing Mass that we went to, Fr. told me I needed to get myself and my husband Green Scapulars. That finally did it. The next chance I got, I went to our favorite Catholic bookstore, and bought 2 Green Scapulars, a Brown Scapular, and a new rosary of Our Lady of Sorrows (long story for another time). I then emailed my priest a couple days ago, and asked to have them blessed along with Emma's new crucifix she had gotten the same day (really cute, quick side note: she wanted a crucifix for her room, and when we were talking about where to hang it, she demanded it be right by her bed so she can pray with Jesus at bedtime. How sweet is that?!), and to be enrolled in the Brown Scapular.
So, today, on Mother's Day (what better day to give Our Mother the gift of myself?) after Mass, I was enrolled in the Brown Scapular, and am now wearing my crucifix and Miraculous Medal on my chain, and a brown scapular, and a green scapular. Fr. suggested possibly sewing the two scapulars together somehow, as they can get kind of unwieldy. Yeah, I'm getting that already...
Anyway, so the brown scapular was given to St. Simon Stock by Our Lady in 1251, and Mary basically promised him that whoever faithfully wears the Brown Scapular, lives chastely according to their vocation (married, single, etc), and prays the rosary daily, will not suffer eternal torment. Here's a good website if you want to learn more about it. This website offers free Brown Scapulars if you're interested. I've heard (not 100% sure if it's true, but sounds legit) that anyone, even non-Catholics can be invested in the Brown Scapular, but that only Catholic priests can (and are generally the only ones willing to) invest someone in it.
The Green Scapular has two general purposes: for conversion, and for healing. The priest at the healing Mass told me that my husband needs one for conversion, and that I could use one for emotional and physical healing. Well, since that healing Mass, I don't really feel like I need anymore emotional healing (seriously, it was like a miracle!!!), but I don't know how I am physically, so I'm mostly wearing it for that. Here's a great website about the Green Scapular if you want more information.
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On a very disturbing side note, Harvard University is sponsoring (hosting? I can't remember their exact role at the moment, but it's a significant one) a Black Mass tomorrow night. If you're unfamiliar with what that exactly is, it's a satanic ritual where the Catholic Mass is mocked and twisted. They take out any reference to God, Mary, or the saints, and put in Satan and the names of demons in their places. They also use a naked woman as the altar, and when possible, use a consecrated host (Jesus) in their unholy ceremony. Please pray very hard that this event will be cancelled, and that those involved in this darkness will find the Light of Christ before it is too late.
Some ideas to pray and make reparation for this atrocity could be to fast, pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet (Have mercy on us, and on the whole world!), pray the rosary, pray the St. Michael the Archangel prayer (St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the Power of God, cast into Hell Satan, and all the evil spirits who prowl about the earth, seeking the ruin of souls. Amen), pray the St. Michael the Archangel Chaplet, just PRAY!!!
May God richly Bless you, my friends!
Dana
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Healing Mass
My mom and I went to our local Catholic bookstore on Monday, and found out about a healing Mass that was going to take place this Friday at St. Luke's Catholic Church in Indianapolis at 7 pm. We were interested, but bummed that we wouldn't be able to go. Then, yesterday, Emma's godmother, and one of my best friends told us about the same healing Mass that would be held today at a different parish at 9:30 am. We were excited to go, even though none of us really knew what to expect.
My mom, Emma, and I went to this healing Mass that we thought would be about an hour long. We met a few people from our old parish there, along with Emma's godmother and her young daughter. The rather large church was about half-full. Mostly it was people who had brought sick loved ones for physical healing. Others looked fine, but who knows what emotional or spiritual state they were in.
Anyway, the priest was a little late, because he had been praying outside a local abortion clinic with some teenage volunteers who were also there praying for credit in their pro-life class at school. Once he got there, he filled the air with love and praise to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We sang songs, he told stories, we had Mass, he told more stories, he taught us how to pray the chaplet of St. Michael the Archangel. We went outside, he prayed over, and gave his blessing over a new statue of St. Michael. The whole time, he kept talking about how we're all in this great spiritual battle, and how if you could look at the sky with spiritual eyes, you wouldn't be able to see the sun through all the evil spirits covering this city. He encouraged us all to pray for our city, and to make it the holiest city in the country, and that we rename our city of Indianapolis to Holyopolis. :-) How awesome is THAT goal?!
Anyway, at some point during the whole thing (I think it was after communion), Emma asked me if she could go sit with her godmother. I said sure, and they eventually ended up going back to her house to wait for us, as both of our kids were getting restless.
So, after the prayers outside over the statue, we all went back in, and a nun there kept insisting that only the truly needy would be seen, and that the rest needed to try to go to the Friday time. Father was apparently getting tired, and wouldn't be able to see everyone. I knew mom would qualify, and while I had hoped for a blessing too, I thought I would just mention my needs to him in passing, and ask him to pray for us later.
Well, when it got to be my mom's turn, she asked to be able to do a quick confession first, and then be anointed. He graciously listened to her confession, and when he motioned for me to come back, he said that my mom has this saint all around her, and that it's a pretty new saint named Louisa Piccaretta. He said he wasn't sure why this particular saint was so attached to my mom, but that they physically resemble each other. I had never heard of this saint before, but I had someone write it down, so we could learn more about her later. Well, the nun, another person, and myself all laid hands on my mom and prayed for her with the priest while she held a small cross with some kind of relic or something on it. Towards the end of the prayers, the priest handed me the cross to hold, but then when we were finished, he walked away, and I still had the cross.
I went to give it back to him, and told him that I had just had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago, and my husband isn't Catholic, and asked him to pray for us. I started to tear up while telling him, and nothing could have prepared me for what came next. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. He took me over to the tabernacle (where they keep the extra consecrated hosts - Jesus), and had me put my hand on the surface in front of the actual tabernacle while I told him everything he wanted to know. Were we married in the Church? No, I converted after we married. Am I allowed to recieve communion? As far as I know, yes. I always have. Had I named the baby? Yes, Charlotte Marie. What's my husband's name? Mark. He said he felt like my husband Mark had a connection to St. Mark the Evangelist. I said, yes, he had been named for the Gospel of Mark. This next part is where I completely lost it. I can't remember exactly when, but at some point before this next part, he had me touch, ever so gently, the edge of the tabernacle itself! I was barely able to speak through the tears when he told me that he thought our little Charlotte (who he said was smiling at me and waving to me from Heaven) was created for the sole purpose of being an intercessor for her daddy's conversion. Is that just so beautiful? He asked me to pray to St. Mark, Our Lady, St. Joseph, and I think he said St. Michael too for my husband's conversion. He also told me to get both myself (for physical and emotional healing) and my husband (for conversion) green scapulars. He also told me that a big part of what's holding my husband back from fully loving and embracing Our Lord is a deep, hidden fear about his self-image. He said if that fear were removed, he would convert. Then he prayed over me, while I held that cross, then had me hold it over my abdomen while he prayed some more, and finally, he anointed me with some kind of oil related to St. Philomena.
I can't explain how wonderful it all was, and how much it helped us. It was such a relief to know that little Charlotte lived and died for a reason, and how to best pray for my husband. It wasn't until I got to the car that I realized we had been there for 4 hours. Time flies when you're being blessed, I guess. It was just so wonderful! ♡♡♡
God Bless You!
Dana
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Saints in Training
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Everyone Goes to Church!
I've posted before about how active kids can be in loving Jesus. Emma just gave me a refresher. She was playing with one of our new neighbors today (the 5 yr old boy from the Jehovah's Witness family), and I guess she asked him if he goes to church. He apparently said no, and so she asked if his parents go to church, and he didn't know. She was explaining all this to me just now, and it was so cute, just how incredulous she was at the fact that some people don't go to church. She couldn't believe there's people in her world that don't go to visit Jesus. I tried to explain to her that not everybody knows Jesus the way we do. She argued with me (as only Emma can), that EVERYBODY goes to church. If only, kid...if only.
Can we imagine for a moment if EVERYBODY DID go to church, and I don't mean just showing up, but really went and were truly present for it? How beautiful would that world be??? Everyone would (I imagine) be much kinder, more charitable, just more pleasant overall. Ahhh...just thinking about it brightens my day. ♡
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Beautiful Poem from a Beautiful Friend
LOSS SO GREAT
THE PAIN THAT PIERCES
TO THE SOUL
O, LORD, I OFFER THEE
PLEASE TAKE MY HAND
AND LEAD ME FROM...
THIS PLACE OF AGONY
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
THE PAIN
WHY LOSS SO GREAT MUST BE
YET IN MY SOUL
I TRUST THAT YOU
WILL ONE DAY HELP ME SEE
THE SORROW LURKING
'NEATH MY BREAST
I CANNOT BEAR ALONE
SO, HOLD ME CLOSE
REMIND ME, LORD
OF THE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE SHOWN
THEN I WILL RISE
FROM THIS DARK PLACE
INTO THY LIGHT OF LOVE
FOR I KNOW MY CHILD
IS HOME WITH YOU
IN HEAVEN UP ABOVE
THANK YOU, LORD

