Trying to be trusting...

       Okay, so we have some test results back on my mom, but still no diagnosis. We know some things that it definitely is not: it is NOT a brain tumor, or Myasthenia Gravis, or a stroke. From her neck, upwards has been thoroughly checked for all kinds of stuff. If it is MS, it's not above her neck. We've seen so many doctors in the past month, I've lost track, and mom has been to the hospital 3 times since May 13 (only admitted twice though, the most recent one they just gave her some steroids, and that helped enough for her to come back home). The two top runners right now, as far as I know are still MS, but also now Muscular Dystrophy. I was talking to a friend/neighbor yesterday, and she was telling me that about 5 years ago, her grandmother was diagnosed with a very rare type of Muscular Dystrophy just before Christmas, and that by April 1 (just over 3 months later), she was gone. Her grandmother's symptoms sounded a lot like my mom's sypmtoms, and hers obviously was a fast progression too. Just over a month ago, my mom was functional, working full-time, and low on energy, and a bit clumsy, but fine. Today, as I type this, her hands and toes are curling in, so that she has to have splints to keep her hands straight, has frequent muscle spasms so strong, that her torso jerks around, which does nothing for the terrible balance she has these days. Her legs, and now hands have started getting mottled (indicating poor circulation), and her breathing is sometimes affected (when she's not on steroids, or a strong enough dose of steroids). Oh yeah, and she's diabetic, so the doctors don't want to just keep her on steroids because they mess with blood sugars! We see another new specialist on Monday, who is supposed to be the BEST diagnostician in the area.

       In the meantime, I've been hoping for months, maybe longer to become pregnant again, and have another baby. Now, I know why I haven't. God knew this was coming, and that I would need the time, energy, and space for my mom. If we had another baby, or if I was pregnant, I don't know what would have happened to my mom, or how I would be able to take care of her as much as I am. I'm the only family she has in this, or surrounding states, and the only brother she's on good terms with, lives in Georgia, with his own family, and his own issues, and can barely find time to even call her. As much as I would adore having another child, I thank God, that we didn't. Not even using NFP (Natural Family Planning) since at least September last year, babies, or the lack thereof, have been totally, and completely, in God's hands.

      Last Saturday, a very good, holy man at our parish, who is a good friend of ours, was trying to give my mom some hope and faith, which she sorely needed. He was telling her that God always gives us what we need, exactly when we need it, and not a moment sooner. In the 10 minutes right before we REALLY need it, when we just THINK we need it, we tend to worry, fuss, and panic, but if we just hold on, have faith, and trust in God, we will get it exactly when we need it the most. I've been turning to that thought a lot lately. He also told us a good story about Mother Angelica (the nun that started EWTN, the Catholic network - 89.1 FM in the Indianapolis area, and also on TV - that radio station changed my life!). He said that one time, Mother Angelica needed a new satellite dish for EWTN to get off the ground, but she didn't have the money. She called the satellite people, had them come out, set it up, and agreed to pay when they got there. When the satellite installation person came, the sisters went to the chapel where she was praying, and told her that the person was there to install the dish. Mother Angelica turned back to the tabernacle, and said "Jesus, your satellite is here, we really need the money for it now". Moments later, the phone rang, and a person she had never before met, or even talked to, was calling from his yacht to make a donation, the size of which, exactly matched what she needed for the dish!

       He was so right! Catholic Charities provided a lift chair (for FREE!!!) for us, so that my mom can go up and down the stairs, without me having to drag her, or carry her (really, not exaggerating...). The day before they came to install it, I was helping her up the stairs, and we were two or three steps from the top, when she had a muscle spasm and started to jerk backwards. Talk about scary! We made it safely, but that was the last time she had to walk up the stairs. God does indeed provide what we need, EXACTLY when we need it.

      So, I'm trying to keep the faith, and trust in God, but I have to admit, I'm scared. Especially, after learning about that Muscular Dystrophy... Since my dad died when I was 13, it's only been me and my mom (I'm an only child), and we are super-close. I can't imagine how I'm gonna get through whatever's coming. I'm trying to keep up my prayer life, but when I DO have time to pray, I find myself distracted, and just going through the motions. I hope God understands, and that I'll have the grace to get back to it soon, without being distracted. I also wish I could talk to a friend about all this, but I'm never without my mom and/or the kids these days, at least until late at night, and then I feel like it's too late to call most of my friends. Feeling kind of alone...

New Pictures!

With everything that's been happening with my mom, I totally forgot to check and see if the professional pictures of Chocolate Chip recieving her First Communion ever came in. They did! So exciting. You won't believe how beautiful these are!

 

Chocolate Chip being escorted to the altar by her adopted godfather

(she was baptized before I converted)

 

Ascending to the altar

 

 

Recieving Our Lord for the first time!

 

 

 

          Aren't they gorgeous?! It's still such a joy to have both her, and my mom recieve the Eucharist with me at Mass now. I can't wait until it's Emma's turn. I wonder how young they're allowed to recieve? She's already willing to go to confession (not that she's been - I jokingly asked her once while I was waiting in line, if she wanted to go too, and she said yes, and tried to get in line. LOL), but we should probably wait just a bit longer. ;-)

Chocolate ice cream and sangria can fix anything!

As I sit here finishing some chocolate ice cream, with my empty glass of sangria in front of me, it's hard to believe everything that's happened, and that it's only been 2 weeks.

Two weeks ago, yesterday, I took Emma to the dentist for a regular check-up. We discovered she has her first loose tooth, and went around the corner to my mom's office to show her and say hi. A few short hours later, I was following my mom's ambulance to the hospital with Emma in the backseat, complaining how far it was. I just kept thinking that it was good that they hadn't put the sirens on. When we finally were allowed to see her, she was barely conscious, and even less understandable. The priest at the hospital, while very sweet, was from Nigeria, and also barely understandable. I was losing it!

My mom spent about 3 days in ICU, and 2 days in a regular unit. This all started on Monday (we almost lost her that night). That Thursday, when I saw her (I went every day, thanks to my many wonderful friends who babysat for me, as kids under 14 weren't allowed), she was very scared about going back to living alone. I went home, and gave my husband three choices: 1) I move in with my mom 2) my mom moves in with us 3) we sell both homes and get a duplex or home with an in-law suite. We decided she would move in with us. We would have at least until Sunday to get ready. We would clean out the playroom, making it back into a bedroom, and move her bed, dresser, and a few other things into it.

While I was visiting her on Friday, the doctor released her!!! Well, we obviously weren't ready, so she went home to her house that night until Sunday afternoon while we got her room ready. By dinnertime on Sunday, she was all moved in and unpacked, thanks to a good friend who came to help us.

Now that she's been here a week, my head is still spinning. We're still waiting for test results to get a diagnosis, so we can better understand her condition, and what the future may hold. At this point, we still don't know if this arrangement will be forever, or if she can go back to her condo at some point. The top choices that the doctors are looking at are: a tumor on her brain that's affecting her balance (that could be removed and she could get back to normal), or Parkinson's, or MS, or Myesthenia Gravis. We see her regular doctor tomorrow, and the specialist a week from today.

Today I took her to physical therapy, where we discovered that her entire left side is much weaker than her right side. Then, we went from there, to a yard sale, where I got an actual school desk for Emma to use for kindergarten this year (homeschool) for $20! From there, we met another good friend of mine, and Emma's godmother, who took Emma for me for the afternoon for our other appointments (I have the best friends!). We went to Catholic Charities, and got hooked up with all kinds of resources, including a possible chair lift to help mom with the stairs, very inexpensive counseling, and caregiver services for me (including a free massage!). We were probably there about 3 hours total. Then, we met with a disability lawyer to get that process going, as my mom will most likely not be working again.

After all of that, I'm getting very impatient to get a new normal going, and some of this craziness to ease. Long story short, chocolate ice cream and sangria can help fix all kinds of things!

Dana

First Communion!

 

This past Sunday, my oldest daughter, Chocolate Chip, celebrated her First Holy Communion! It was such a beautiful day! Even though it was a bit cloudy and rainy outside, the sun was truly shining inside the parish. She chose to recieve for the first time in the Extraordinary Form of the Mass (proud mama right here), and it was such a joy to watch her stay totally on track and focused during the entire Mass. There was an actual photographer there to take pictures of her actually receiving Our Lord for the first time (still waiting to get those), but I did get a few pictures of her before with my camera.

 

Before the Sacred Heart of Jesus statue

(before Mass)

Before Our Lady of Guadalupe statue

(also before Mass)

 

Very excited - almost time!

 

Processing in

 

About to recieve the Eucharist for the first time!

 

Chewing :-)

She is the first to receive her Brown Scapular!

 

 

It was a very exciting time that I will always cherish. May all the children who receive their First Holy Communion always approach the Eucharist with the same joy and excitement as they had that day!

 

 

 

(Emma took this picture of her Sissy)



Cleaning Fairy...

This last weekend, the priest at our parish was telling the First Communion kids (including Chocolate Chip) that sloth is one of the 7 deadly sins, and that an example of sloth is not putting your dirty clothes in the hamper (go, Father!). I admit, that while I was going to explain this to Emma, as well, I haven't done it yet. That said, the Cleaning Fairy (my alter ego), and her friend the Laundry Fairy (my other alter ego) were at my house just now, gathering up stray books on the floor, and tiny clothes from Emma. But, wait...there was also a decent amount of Chocolate Chip's things scattered about - including her First Communion dress, and sweater on her bed where the cats could lay on them and get cat hair all over. *sigh* I guess we'll need a refresher on that whole sloth speech...

Although, it isn't the dirty clothes on the floor that bothers me. It's the clean clothes mixed in (on the floor) with the dirty clothes - mainly from Chocolate Chip. When deciding what to wear, she often takes something out of her drawer, for whatever reason it is then rejected, and tossed onto the floor among the dirty clothes. I come in later, not knowing what isn't dirty, or trying to remember what I've seen on a body recently. I've tried explaining that it creates more laundry when she does that, and that the Laundry Fairy doesn't appreciate it. It doesn't seem to matter much. But, like a friend once said, "when a mountain of laundry has you down or overwhelmed, just thank God you have a family who needs you to do it". So, I'll just thank God a bit more, I guess.

Dana

My Summer Look!

I got my hair cut on Friday (which Emma did NOT approve of). I was very excited, and had the image in my mind of how it would look. I ended up a little dissapointed. Here's what it was supposed to look like (except still brown):

Cute, right?



Well, I went in, all set. I had looked online at the official Pantene rules for donating hair, and it was supposed to be 8 inches. I had 9 I wanted to cut off. Well, the girl insisted that it had to be 10 inches for Locks of Love (a totally different organization), and didn't collect it for me, because I only had 9 inches. Then, she gets finished, and it doesn't look like the picture. Yeah, it's cute, and I can have it fixed when it grows out a little, but it wasn't what I had envisioned.

 

 

So, I was talking to a friend at church yesterday about it, and she was telling me a very interesting theory she has, that made a lot of sense. She said that she thinks women are always upset about their looks because of Original Sin. She pointed out that all women have something they wish they could change about themselves: their hair isn't right, their waist is too big, chest is too small, whatever. Right after the Fall, God told woman that her desire would be for her husband. Perhaps an effect of that is woman's displeasure with herself. A feeling of lacking in some way, that comes out in our obsession with how we look. Or, maybe it comes from a deep longing for God that we can't quite recognize because of the Fall. Whatever the reason, I think we can all agree, it stinks. One more reason to look forward to Heaven, where things like big hips, uncooperative hair, and flabby arms will no longer matter, and even better, will finally be seen as God sees us: utterly perfect for who we are supposed to be, and look, just as He created us.






Kermit Gosnell, Round 2

The Twitter campaign was a HUGE success! Some of the mainstream media have started covering the trial, and letting people know how horrible, disgusting, and just downright dangerous his clinic and practices were. However, the people that organized the "TweetFest" are concerned that if we back off of the media, that they will stop covering the trial. This is extremely important, that they keep covering it, and letting people know how horrible this is. It could get a good number of people who "would never get an abortion, but want to keep it legal for others to have that choice" to consider just how awful abortion really is, and maybe get them thinking about how violently these babies died, and if they had been just a few inches up the birth canal, it would have been perfectly legal and socially acceptable.

Therefore, we are going to be having another "TweetFest" on Wednesday, this week. If you already have Twitter, please consider joining us. If you don't have Twitter, please consider joining it (for free, very easy to join), even if you only plan on using it for things like this. As a full-time mom and housewife, who works outside of the house part-time, I know how busy life gets, and how hard it can be to be as active in the pro-life movement as we would like to be. Using Twitter and/or Facebook to get the word out, is so easy, and so effective! I can do it while the kids are eating lunch, napping, playing outside, whatever. It doesn't require me to go alongside a busy street with a 4 yr old and pray in front of an abortion clinic. I don't have to organize some massive movement, I just spend a couple of seconds on my phone or computer throughout the day, as often as I can. Any help is greatly appreciated. If you decide to participate, please remember to use the hashtag #Gosnell in your tweets (this allows the relevant tweets to be counted and polled). Once again, if you are on Facebook, there is a page where you can find all kinds of information, pictures to share, and already written tweets that you can copy and paste (or you can write your own)!



Even just changing your profile picture on Twitter/Facebook to this or this would help spread awareness about this trial.


God Bless!
Dana