Facebook Anonymous

This year, I gave up Facebook for Lent. The first week was really hard, but by the end of Lent, I would have been fine giving it up permanently, had it not been for this one group I was in, that had been a huge source of comfort and support for me during the last year or so, and had acted as a kind of family for me, which I so desperately want and need right now.

Well, recently, a woman I felt almost sisterly towards in that group got pretty nasty towards me over something I posted (on my own wall) about the Girl Scouts, and how my girls will never be involved in that organization. Not the first time I've lost friends over the Girl Scouts, and it probably wouldn't have bothered me as much, except for what happened next. I privately messaged a dear friend about it, the one who has acted as a very sweet, supportive mother to me this last year. I knew she was also very motherly and close to this other person, so I thought she might have an idea of how to diffuse the situation, or at least be able to get her to back off a little. She couldn't find the post in question, so I tagged her. It spiralled out of control after that, and she ended up not only unfriending me, but blocking me! I messaged my motherly friend, and she said that several of our mutual friends had unfriended her solely because she's still friends with this other person. I was still reeling from all that, when the next morning, I saw a post from another mutual friend of ours, that was blatantly attacking me about the same issue! All of these people involved were a big part of that one group that I saw as a family. That was the final straw. I posted a note about how I was leaving Facebook, made sure the people I care about knew how to contact me, and turned it off. I don't have the time or energy for the drama and added stress. My mother is actively dying, I just found out we have no chance of getting Chocolate Chip back, and I still think of sweet Charlotte often.
For now, I just temporarily disconnected it, until I can get a chance to get all my pictures and videos (HOW do you get videos copied off of Facebook?!?!) downloaded to a computer. Once that's done, I'm pretty sure I'll click it over from temporary disconnect to permanent. Even without the drama, Facebook for me, was a major time-suck, at times depressing, and at times, just royally ticked me off. Who needs that? Not me. I'm done. The people who really know me, know how to contact me, and those who don't probably won't miss me anyway.

Without Facebook, I've found more peace, more time to read, and definitely less stress and anxiety. I think everyone should at least take a short break from Facebook now and then. It really put it in perspective for me.

God Bless!

Wonderful, Memorable Weekend

Our beloved priest, Father Magiera, who moved to Arkansas last summer, was back in Indy for one glorious weekend to do the wedding Mass of a friend of his. We were fortunate enough to get him to come over and bless our house yesterday. It was awesome! While he was here, he made some blessed salt and a jug of holy water. He also blessed a crucifix that I got to hang in my room, a crucifix for Chocolate Chip's room, a couple pictures, and a statue of Mary that Emma brought him to bless.

As Father walked around the house, throwing holy water in every room and closet, Chocolate Chip carried the jug of holy water for him, and Emma carried the lid. It was so sweet! Chocolate Chip hardly left his side the whole time he was here. She missed him so much! Towards the end of his visit, he mentioned to us that the wedding Mass was at 3 pm, and that it would fulfill our Sunday obligation, and that it was a Mass, so anyone could go (we hadn't been invited)...

So, we went to the wedding. It was beautiful! I had threatened both kids on the way there, that they had better be on their very best behavior, especially since we hadn't been invited. They were pretty good, until right in the middle, when Emma lost yet another tooth (#5), and it bled, and bled, and bled. Of course, Emma is my hypochondriac, gets-freaked-out-by-the-tiniest-speck-of-blood kid. So, we had whining and crying. I rushed her out to the narthex, as we were sitting all the way in the back, right by the cameras and video equipment...of course, right? I got her to the bathroom to take a closer look, and the stupid tooth was flapping, and sideways, but WOULD NOT come all the way out. I knew it wouldn't stop bleeding until it was out, and I got her to bite on paper towel, so I finally was able to pull the stupid thing out. It still didn't stop bleeding for several minutes afterwards. What a mess! Then I was stuck with a tooth to hold (no pockets) for the last half of Mass.

 

 

Lol So, I had Emma whining about her tooth and that she wanted to go home, and Chocolate Chip was whining because it was almost over, which meant that Father Magiera would be leaving us again! Finally, I got Emma off of me in time to get a decent spot to record Father Magiera's beautiful "Ite Missa Est" at the end of Mass.

 

The video isn't the best, but the important part is his voice anyway. :-)

Hopefully, it comes through okay...

 

 

God Bless,

Dana

Trying to Find Joy

This post is a couple of days late, but this is the first opportunity I've had to write, where I really felt up to writing. On May 13 last year, my mom attempted suicide, and that was also the start of her more severe symptoms. On May 13 this year, we found out we will not be getting custody of Chocolate Chip. The year in between was spent taking care of mom, packing up and moving two homes into one, and mourning a child. I honestly don't know how I would have survived the past two May 13's and everything in between without God's Grace and my wonderful husband with my sanity still intact.

Our big court date was supposed to be on June 6, and as far as I knew going into it, the mediation on May 13 was only a formality, and was going to just be a waste of time and money. I was not at all prepared for leaving that building with our decision. Anyway, I go in, and was relieved to find out that it wasn't going to be like anything I had seen on t.v., where everyone is in the same room, fighting over a table. We were in totally separate rooms, and the mediator went back and forth between our rooms.

While the mediator was off talking to him, my lawyer tells me that Chocolate Chip is doing well in school, isn't grotesquely overweight, and has friends. Her father doesn't drive drunk, or beat his wife, and while I should be proud of the changes I've made in my life, and how well I'm doing, I'd only have a 5% chance of getting full custody. So, rather than spend all those extra lawyer fees, only to end up where we started, I agreed to slightly more time with her during the year, a decent increase in time during the summer (starting next year), and I would pay more money. At the time, all I could see was that I had given her away, while I paid more money. I was heartbroken...again. I must say, though, I'm getting pretty good at juggling my crosses.

Today we went to Chocolate Chip's school for an event, and when it was time to go, I literally had to pry Emma off of her, and carry her out, crying. Then, we get home, and Emma helps me plant some flowers I had gotten for Mother's Day. She wanted to plant one on Charlotte's grave, so we did that. All while my dying mother laid down for a nap. See? Pretty good at juggling! *sigh*

So, my new project assigned to me by a wonderful, motherly friend that I met on Facebook, is to try to find some joy. Who knew joy could be so hard to find, and so elusive?

I've known mom was not going to get better for quite a while now, and I've had peace and been able to find joy.

Charlotte died, and after only a month, I've had peace and been able to find joy.

Now this. I'm more at peace today, but seeing Emma this afternoon broke me right in half. I'm working on joy. Any suggestions? I'm totally open to ideas!

Thanks for any prayers, and God Bless all my friends and readers.

Scapulars

For at least a year now, I've been feeling like God had put scapulars, most especially the Brown Scapular, on my heart. I really learned most about the Brown Scapular when Chocolate Chip was enrolled in it at her First Communion last May. I had also learned about the Green Scapular in searching for different tools to help my husband convert.

Every now and then, I would feel an extra nudge or a reminder about scapulars. A friend would mention that she had been thinking of getting one, I would see tell-tale brown strings around the necks of friends and fellow homeschoolers. Then, at the healing Mass that we went to, Fr. told me I needed to get myself and my husband Green Scapulars. That finally did it. The next chance I got, I went to our favorite Catholic bookstore, and bought 2 Green Scapulars, a Brown Scapular, and a new rosary of Our Lady of Sorrows (long story for another time). I then emailed my priest a couple days ago, and asked to have them blessed along with Emma's new crucifix she had gotten the same day (really cute, quick side note: she wanted a crucifix for her room, and when we were talking about where to hang it, she demanded it be right by her bed so she can pray with Jesus at bedtime. How sweet is that?!), and to be enrolled in the Brown Scapular.

So, today, on Mother's Day (what better day to give Our Mother the gift of myself?) after Mass, I was enrolled in the Brown Scapular, and am now wearing my crucifix and Miraculous Medal on my chain, and a brown scapular, and a green scapular. Fr. suggested possibly sewing the two scapulars together somehow, as they can get kind of unwieldy. Yeah, I'm getting that already...

Anyway, so the brown scapular was given to St. Simon Stock by Our Lady in 1251, and Mary basically promised him that whoever faithfully wears the Brown Scapular, lives chastely according to their vocation (married, single, etc), and prays the rosary daily, will not suffer eternal torment. Here's a good website if you want to learn more about it. This website offers free Brown Scapulars if you're interested. I've heard (not 100% sure if it's true, but sounds legit) that anyone, even non-Catholics can be invested in the Brown Scapular, but that only Catholic priests can (and are generally the only ones willing to) invest someone in it.

The Green Scapular has two general purposes: for conversion, and for healing. The priest at the healing Mass told me that my husband needs one for conversion, and that I could use one for emotional and physical healing. Well, since that healing Mass, I don't really feel like I need anymore emotional healing (seriously, it was like a miracle!!!), but I don't know how I am physically, so I'm mostly wearing it for that. Here's a great website about the Green Scapular if you want more information.

.....


On a very disturbing side note, Harvard University is sponsoring (hosting? I can't remember their exact role at the moment, but it's a significant one) a Black Mass tomorrow night. If you're unfamiliar with what that exactly is, it's a satanic ritual where the Catholic Mass is mocked and twisted. They take out any reference to God, Mary, or the saints, and put in Satan and the names of demons in their places. They also use a naked woman as the altar, and when possible, use a consecrated host (Jesus) in their unholy ceremony. Please pray very hard that this event will be cancelled, and that those involved in this darkness will find the Light of Christ before it is too late.

Some ideas to pray and make reparation for this atrocity could be to fast, pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet (Have mercy on us, and on the whole world!), pray the rosary, pray the St. Michael the Archangel prayer (St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the Power of God, cast into Hell Satan, and all the evil spirits who prowl about the earth, seeking the ruin of souls. Amen), pray the St. Michael the Archangel Chaplet, just PRAY!!!


May God richly Bless you, my friends!
Dana

Healing Mass

My mom and I went to our local Catholic bookstore on Monday, and found out about a healing Mass that was going to take place this Friday at St. Luke's Catholic Church in Indianapolis at 7 pm. We were interested, but bummed that we wouldn't be able to go. Then, yesterday, Emma's godmother, and one of my best friends told us about the same healing Mass that would be held today at a different parish at 9:30 am. We were excited to go, even though none of us really knew what to expect.

My mom, Emma, and I went to this healing Mass that we thought would be about an hour long. We met a few people from our old parish there, along with Emma's godmother and her young daughter. The rather large church was about half-full. Mostly it was people who had brought sick loved ones for physical healing. Others looked fine, but who knows what emotional or spiritual state they were in.

Anyway, the priest was a little late, because he had been praying outside a local abortion clinic with some teenage volunteers who were also there praying for credit in their pro-life class at school. Once he got there, he filled the air with love and praise to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We sang songs, he told stories, we had Mass, he told more stories, he taught us how to pray the chaplet of St. Michael the Archangel. We went outside, he prayed over, and gave his blessing over a new statue of St. Michael. The whole time, he kept talking about how we're all in this great spiritual battle, and how if you could look at the sky with spiritual eyes, you wouldn't be able to see the sun through all the evil spirits covering this city. He encouraged us all to pray for our city, and to make it the holiest city in the country, and that we rename our city of Indianapolis to Holyopolis. :-) How awesome is THAT goal?!

Anyway, at some point during the whole thing (I think it was after communion), Emma asked me if she could go sit with her godmother. I said sure, and they eventually ended up going back to her house to wait for us, as both of our kids were getting restless.

So, after the prayers outside over the statue, we all went back in, and a nun there kept insisting that only the truly needy would be seen, and that the rest needed to try to go to the Friday time. Father was apparently getting tired, and wouldn't be able to see everyone. I knew mom would qualify, and while I had hoped for a blessing too, I thought I would just mention my needs to him in passing, and ask him to pray for us later.

Well, when it got to be my mom's turn, she asked to be able to do a quick confession first, and then be anointed. He graciously listened to her confession, and when he motioned for me to come back, he said that my mom has this saint all around her, and that it's a pretty new saint named Louisa Piccaretta. He said he wasn't sure why this particular saint was so attached to my mom, but that they physically resemble each other. I had never heard of this saint before, but I had someone write it down, so we could learn more about her later. Well, the nun, another person, and myself all laid hands on my mom and prayed for her with the priest while she held a small cross with some kind of relic or something on it. Towards the end of the prayers, the priest handed me the cross to hold, but then when we were finished, he walked away, and I still had the cross.

I went to give it back to him, and told him that I had just had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago, and my husband isn't Catholic, and asked him to pray for us. I started to tear up while telling him, and nothing could have prepared me for what came next. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. He took me over to the tabernacle (where they keep the extra consecrated hosts - Jesus), and had me put my hand on the surface in front of the actual tabernacle while I told him everything he wanted to know. Were we married in the Church? No, I converted after we married. Am I allowed to recieve communion? As far as I know, yes. I always have. Had I named the baby? Yes, Charlotte Marie. What's my husband's name? Mark. He said he felt like my husband Mark had a connection to St. Mark the Evangelist. I said, yes, he had been named for the Gospel of Mark. This next part is where I completely lost it. I can't remember exactly when, but at some point before this next part, he had me touch, ever so gently, the edge of the tabernacle itself! I was barely able to speak through the tears when he told me that he thought our little Charlotte (who he said was smiling at me and waving to me from Heaven) was created for the sole purpose of being an intercessor for her daddy's conversion. Is that just so beautiful? He asked me to pray to St. Mark, Our Lady, St. Joseph, and I think he said St. Michael too for my husband's conversion. He also told me to get both myself (for physical and emotional healing) and my husband (for conversion) green scapulars. He also told me that a big part of what's holding my husband back from fully loving and embracing Our Lord is a deep,  hidden fear about his self-image. He said if that fear were removed, he would convert. Then he prayed over me, while I held that cross, then had me hold it over my abdomen while he prayed some more, and finally, he anointed me with some kind of oil related to St. Philomena.

I can't explain how wonderful it all was, and how much it helped us. It was such a relief to know that little Charlotte lived and died for a reason, and how to best pray for my husband. It wasn't until I got to the car that I realized we had been there for 4 hours. Time flies when you're being blessed, I guess. It was just so wonderful! ♡♡♡

God Bless You!
Dana

Saints in Training

Today, in Catholic news, two popes, Pope Francis and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, canonized (declared saints) two popes, St. John XXIII and St. John Paul II. A very rare, very cool day. It's also the feast of Divine Mercy, the day we celebrate the Mercy of Jesus, and declare "Jesus, I trust in You!".

 

 

Anyway, I was thinking (dangerous, I know). When some of the great saints were alive, did they have any idea they were on the path to sainthood? I mean, there are so many saints who did and experienced miraculous things. They HAD to have known, right? I mean, there's St. Padre Pio, who received the stigmata, and could bilocate (literally be in two places at once). There's saints who literally saw and spoke to Jesus &/ Mary. There's others that could levitate while praying. How did they react when they realized they were becoming saints? Did it make them more humble? More modest? More eager to serve? Did they worry they would somehow screw it up, and end up not being a saint? Did they just want to sit and marvel and the Love and Grace that God was bestowing on them? I wonder. Then there's other saints who were cranky, and I'm pretty sure it's St. Nicholas (where we get the legend of Santa Claus from) who used to punch heretics in the face (I'm like 90% sure it was St. Nicholas, but I know it was one of the saints if not him). I love that image - Santa punching heretics...LOL Did the cranky saints know they were becoming saints too? Or were they pleasantly surprised when they arrived in Heaven?

 

How would it affect you, to one day realize you were becoming a saint? After all, we are all called to be saints, and to love and serve God with our entire beings. Most of us go about our lives, doing the best we can, hoping for Heaven, never really knowing for certain where we'll end up until we die. But for those who experience the extraordinary...

 

 

Just some food for thought.

Dana 

Everyone Goes to Church!

I've posted before about how active kids can be in loving Jesus. Emma just gave me a refresher. She was playing with one of our new neighbors today (the 5 yr old boy from the Jehovah's Witness family), and I guess she asked him if he goes to church. He apparently said no, and so she asked if his parents go to church, and he didn't know. She was explaining all this to me just now, and it was so cute, just how incredulous she was at the fact that some people don't go to church. She couldn't believe there's people in her world that don't go to visit Jesus. I tried to explain to her that not everybody knows Jesus the way we do. She argued with me (as only Emma can), that EVERYBODY goes to church. If only, kid...if only.

Can we imagine for a moment if EVERYBODY DID go to church, and I don't mean just showing up, but really went and were truly present for it? How beautiful would that world be??? Everyone would (I imagine) be much kinder, more charitable, just more pleasant overall. Ahhh...just thinking about it brightens my day. ♡