Court Yesterday

Well, I found out some good news from my lawyer yesterday before court. Apparently the guy who did our evaluation was new, inexperienced, and is already leaving. He also is largely unknown to lawyers and judges, so maybe his report will be taken with a grain of salt.

Speaking of his report, one word: "ugh!" My lawyer gave me a copy of it for me to add my footnotes of explanation on whatever I wanted further clarification on. In this 6 page report, there were 22, yes 22 mistakes or things he said that I said, that not only did I not say, but most of them were answers to questions I was never even asked!!! There were some things that were so easily proven to be wrong, that I'm hoping it'll cast enough doubt on the not as easily proven ones, that the whole thing will just be tossed in the trash.

One of the more heart-wrenching parts of the report was in Chocolate Chip's section. It said that she said she doesn't want to come live with us, that she wants to stay with her dad. For 6 solid years (since we lost custody), she has been asking, and at times, begging me to let her come back and live with us (as if it was up to me). Even as recently as two weeks ago, she was talking positively about when she gets to live with us again. So, obviously, I figured she had been coached and/or bribed into telling the evaluator that she wants to stay with her dad.

I didn't want to ask her about it on the phone, so when I picked her up this afternoon, it was just the two of us in the car, and I asked her about it. I told her it didn't matter what I wanted, or what her dad wanted, I wanted to know what SHE wanted. She said she wanted to stay with her dad. *Insert knife in my heart and twist* I asked her what had changed her mind, and I never really got an answer.

I obviously can't say for sure, but I think something has happened. Somebody has said something to her, or something. Not only has she suddenly gone from wanting to live with us to the complete opposite, but she has recently started treating me like less and less of a parent, and more like a peer that she doesn't have to listen to. I just don't know what to do now.

On the one hand, I want to respect her wishes.

On the other hand, I think what she NEEDS is to be in an environment where she can learn respect, modesty, reverence, gratitude,  obedience, and be allowed to flourish in all aspects. Nevermind the fact that she and her sister need to be sisters, she needs to spend time with her dying grandmother, and we need to be able to repair our bond.  We are also so far along the process at this point, it would be very difficult to stop now. My husband says we go ahead, and keep trying to get her back. Of course, I still want her back, but I've definitely lost a significant amount of passion, fire, and "fight". I just don't know how much more I can take of all this.

Anyway, our final hearing will be June 6, and we have to go to mediation between now and then. Probably late April, or early May.

Please keep us all in prayer.

Thanks,
Dana

God, Give Me Strength!!

I found out today that our big evaluation that we did recently didn't go nearly as well as we thought. Apparently, the evaluator got the impression that Chocolate Chip is quite comfortable and well-adjusted in her current arrangement, and the evaluator does not support a change in custody. My heart dropped to my stomach when I read that.

There are other factors, of course - the fact that she has a sister now (Emma), that she didn't have when we lost custody 6 years ago; plus all the different things that her father has done to hinder my relationship with her. Still, my lawyer says these evaluations weigh heavily on the court's decision. I know that God works all things for the good, and that He only gives us what we can handle. I just wish He didn't have quite so much faith in me...I mean, can't I get a break?! Please???!!!

Please, God, give me the strength to endure the coming storm, and if at all possible, let this pass from me, and let my baby come home. Yet, not as I will, but as You Will.

Amen.

Dana

Crafty Sunday

Well, as of yesterday afternoon, we were expecting 7"-11" of snow here in Indy. Not wanting to miss Mass, we went last night, which was probably a good choice. While we didn't get nearly that much snow, the roads were apparently bad enough that Fr. emailed this morning to say that all Masses were cancelled today due to the weather.

Anyway, with all that extra time today, I finished converting two skirts into maternity skirts for a friend of mine who is pregnant with twins, due in June, as well as start AND finish a skirt for myself!! This was, I'm pretty sure, the first time I've had time to make a new skirt for myself since mom got sick in May. Very exciting! So, to celebrate, I thought I'd post directions and pictures in case you want one too.

I had a pair of pants, that I've been saving for the right material to make into a skirt. Then, like a gift from Heaven, I got delivered to my door, the perfect material. :-) Months ago, one of my friends was giving away some men's clothes, approximately my husband's size, so I said I'd take some. She apparently gave the clothes to another friend to give to me. That friend and I hadn't seen each other in a very long time, so finally, she just dropped the clothes off at my house one day recently. Some of the clothes, my husband liked, and would wear, others...not so much. Fortunately, the shirt I had my eye on for a skirt was one of his rejects.

First, I cut the legs off the pants, just above crotch level.
Next, I cut the shirt horizontally just below the armpits all the way around.
I then took my seam-ripper, and ripped off the pocket from the shirt.
Then, I had to decide if I wanted the button down part to be in the front, or the back. I finally
        decided it would look better in the back.
Finally, I just pinned the shirt to the pants, and ran it through my sewing machine.

Here's the front

And the back.

Pretty cute, right? :-)


Stay warm, and be Blessed, friends!
Dana

Whew!

Well, not only did we all survive the evaluation process today, but it was actually about 4 hours shorter than expected, and much less painful! I think it went really well, too, although we won't know anything for sure until we go to court in 2 weeks.
I have no idea what happened in Chocolate Chip's interview. I'm dying to know, but don't want to ask her. Emma apparently was polite, and said she loves playing with her Sissy. Whew!!

As an added bonus, I got an old purse out this morning, and was carefully going through it to check for "dangerous" objects like nail clippers, or a nail file to make the security check smooth and easy, and found my favorite earrings, that I promise I've been looking for for at least 2 years!!

What a day! I'm so relieved that the big evaluation is over, I can't even explain it. Now, all that's left to do is wait. Two weeks until court, and hopefully we'll have an answer that day.

Anyway, thanks so much for all the prayers and kind words! They've meant so much!

Dana

Sleepless in Indianapolis

So, if you didn't already know, we lost custody of Chocolate Chip to her father a week before her 5th birthday (she'll be 11 in 3 weeks). It was sudden, unexpected, and horrible, preceded by a very long, complicated court battle. This Tuesday (in 2 days), we are going to be evaluated to see about getting her back. Me, Mark, Chocolate Chip, Emma, Chocolate Chip's father, and his wife all have to go downtown to be interviewed. It will likely last all day. (Prayers are VERY much appreciated)

I have 3 wonderful friends who have volunteered to come watch over my mom for me in shifts all day, so she won't be alone. In the last week or so, she has been falling &/ fainting regularly, so that she can't even be trusted to walk to the bathroom alone.

Anyway, my lawyer told me that whatever these people on Tuesday decide, is pretty much what the court does, so it's EXTREMELY important. At first, I had no idea what to expect, and thought these people would come to the house, and probably wouldn't want to talk to Emma much. Well, they don't want to see the house, so I guess that's one less thing to worry about. However, Emma gets her own interview. By herself. When I first found out they would be talking to her, I told Emma she would have to talk to somebody about Sissy alone, and not to be scared or nervous. She said "well, that's easy. I'll just tell them that they're just stupid. I just want my Sissy." *sigh*

Then there's Chocolate Chip, who has always been scared of her own shadow, and very shy. Plus, I'm sure her father and stepmother have been coaching her on what to say. *deep breath*

Then there's the fact that it's supposed to be an ALL DAY process, with two kids who are essentially only children most of the time, but really siblings, stuck in a small waiting room. I just wanna cry at the thought. I'm trying so hard not to think about it, not to worry about it, and to trust God, but there's SO MUCH that could go wrong. I don't know that I would survive it if the judge says Chocolate Chip has to stay with her father. Our court date isn't until March 4 (3 days before Chocolate Chip's birthday). I don't even know if I should be expecting a decision at court, or if we'll have to wait.

I just can't wait for the whole thing to be over. Really. Really can't wait. Can we just fast forward the next few weeks?

Dana

Original or Extra Crunchy?

So, in case you didn't know, this winter has been TERRIBLE!!! It all started when we got 11" of snow, followed by -13º F temperatures BEFORE the wind chill. It would warm up just enough to slightly melt the snow, and snow some more, get super cold again, rinse, and repeat. Needless to say, we've hardly gone anywhere, or done much of anything. We get out for Mass, grocery, and that's pretty much it. It's just so hard to push a wheelchair in sludge, ice, and snow. Plus, it has been SOOOO COLD!!!

That leads me to my mom. Still no firm diagnosis, and she finally put a stop to testing. Whatever it is, it's definitely getting worse again. She hardly has an appetite anymore, and sometimes goes all day without eating. If she tries to eat when she doesn't feel hungry, she gets super nauseous, and feels miserable.

Anyway, we finally got out of the house (for fun) yesterday, and went to a friend's house for a playdate. While we were there, we were talking, and the mom asked me about flu shots. I said I used to, but not anymore, I just use Thieves Oil instead. She said, "yeah, I thought you were crunchier than that". "Crunchy". I'd seen/heard the term used here and there on Facebook, but really didn't know what it meant. So I Googled. Turns out, I am fairly crunchy. "Crunchy" refers to the crunch of granola, which is stereotypically the snack of choice for these moms. That was a relief, because I thought it referred to a lack of hygiene! LOL Click here for a quiz to see how crunchy you are. I scored a 93. If you want more info about Crunchy vs. Silky (the opposite of Crunchy) vs. Scrunchy (somewhere in between), this blog looks good.

If you don't feel like clicking, here's the gist of what being crunchy entails (as I understand it):

* Breastfeeding exclusively, and child-led weaning (even if that means the child can expressly ask for it at age 3, 4, whatever) - Chocolate Chip physically couldn't breastfeed, and Emma had to be weaned just before she turned 1, because she kept pushing me away while suckling, bringing me to tears regularly.

* Wearing only skirts - yes, as of last summer, in an attempt at modesty.

* Homeschool or un-school - Absolutely!

* Eating your placenta - Ew! No!

* Cloth diapering - never have, but would at least try it if we have another baby.

* Co-sleeping - only logical when you breastfeed. Did it with Emma, would do it again.

* Baby wearing - totally would.

* Not vaccinating/only selectively vaccinating &/ using essential oils in place of/to supplement modern medicine - YES! I don't think I'll be vaccinating anymore, or if I do, it'll take some serious convincing. I've come to believe quite strongly in the healing power of essential oils, and what a gift from God they are.

* Growing &/ buying only organic - not there yet, but I could see doing it at some point.

There's others too, but that gives you an idea. Crunchy, Silky, or Scrunchy, it's all good. Just follow your heart, trust God, and all will be well. ♡

Dana

Homeschool Drama

The other day, my MIL took Emma out for awhile, so I could unpack in peace (BTW, the new house is wonderful, but things have been NUTS!!). When she brought her back, she made a big deal about how they had met some kids for her to play with. My MIL does not get homeschooling at ALL. She must have said 5 or 6 times something along the lines of "(fill in the blank) when Emma starts school...". Each time, I said "she's already in school." Finally, I just ignored her, at the risk of saying something I'd need to go to Confession for. ;-)

So, anyway, I thought when Emma's Drama Camp came around, I would invite my MIL to the performance, so she could see how many kids Emma plays with (and that was actually a small sample, as we have other friends too). Well, when my MIL arrived, she commented on how MANY kids there were, running around. I said yes, this is our homeschool group that we do stuff with (I wanted to point out that I'm not the outcast freak she thought I was, and that I do indeed "socialize" the child). That of course, prompted a debate about homeschool vs. public school vs. Catholic school. Thankfully, the husband of one of my friends was right next to me, and he took her on. Quite successfully too. We told her about Common Core, and how God isn't allowed in public school anymore. We talked about testing, and all kinds of stuff. I think we maybe started to sway her a little. If that didn't totally take, then maybe Emma's birthday party will. The same family she debated with will be there. :-)

Drama Camp was awesome!!! The kids had so much FUN! They did the Gingerbread Cookie, and the kids decided what character to be, they painted the sets, one of them even did the face painting. Then at the show, they sold tickets and had a bake sale for charity. It was wonderful, and the rain even held off long enough for the show and dinner afterwards!

Emma was a pug puppy, and her line was "You look delicious, I want to eat you! Woof woof!" She belted it out, so everyone could hear, then after the kids all took a bow, Emma, who had been stuck behind some bigger kids, came to the front, and struck a pose. That's my girl! It was so great, she's already decided she's going back next year! :-D